Glyphs


Return to the Reader's Paradise Forum | Post a Follow-Up

 o Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

Posted by yoyobon (My Page) on Tue, Dec 30, 03 at 11:43

This is always fun to do....

A takeoff of a favorite....add the next four lines:

TWAS THE WEEK AFTER CHRISTMAS
And all through the house
Are half-eaten goodies....
I feel like a louse!


Follow-Up Postings:

 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

The black bags of rubbish are put out with care
In hopes that the dustbinman soon will be there.

(PS: for US readers substitute "garbageman" for "dustbinman"; for PC US readers substitute "environmental recycling operative")


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

But long before then the cats and the foxes
Have scattered the bottles, tins, paper and boxes
And all the street knows of your horrible vices
The beer, and the wine, the chocs and mince piecis.


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

And still under the tree
from both Santa and me
are mounds of toys
for my girl and my boy.


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

While I in my kerchief and he in his cap
Would love to settle down for a long winter's nap,
But the neighbors have put their decorations away
And I don't think Santa will be back with his sleigh.
So up to the housetop my dear one has gone
While I'm in the living room having a moan
As I undo the tree, the mantel, the tables;
Must *not* stop to read all the Santa Claus fables.


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

Then from the teen's bedroom there came such a noice
Of a thumping of bass and a wailing of voice;
I ran to the foot of the stairs with a frown
And shouted in rage, "Turn that bl**dy thing down!"


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

"No," screamed my teen, and my face turned red.
I stormed up the stairs to knock sense in his head.
But before I reached the top of the flight,
I heard a crashing sound in the night.
Old St. Nick on the roof top, I wondered,
No, t'was a burglar. We were getting plundered.


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

As I drew in my head
At the sound of the crash
My head hit the window
In a bone-splitting "SMASH!"

Twasn't a burglar
As I had suspected
Just our least favorite son
Who was feeling rejected.

Where is your spirit of Christmas?!
I heard myself bellow...
We've been waiting for you for a week
You ungrateful fellow!!!


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

Behold! At the sight of him, I stared and I shook!
He was clean, shaved and pressed!
A right spiffy look!
I couldn't believe how well he was dressed!

Hi Mom! He greeted me,
And grinned ear to ear.
His look had defeated me
Then he told me with cheer...


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

MY drug test was clear and my parole officer loves me,
My grades are all stunning and and Dad doesn't bug me.

I knew in a moment this must be a trick.
this kid's been a problem since late '96.


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

More rapid than relatives
Returning my gifts,
He insisted he'd changed
And would heal family rifts!


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

But I had decided to paint the town pink
And dressed in my diamonds, my thong, and my mink...


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

The town's hottest night-spot refused me admission
So I sat at the roadside and wrote a petition . .


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

Be careful with asking, my inner voice said;
(Believe me, I'm wishing they all would drop dead!)


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

When what to my wondering eyes did appear?
But a hunky policeman....
All decked out in gear.

He was dressed all in leather
From his neck to his feet,
And I drooled when I saw him
Like a beagle in heat!!


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

A .44 Magnum was slung on his hip
And he looked like Clint Eastwood while loading his clip
His eyes -- how they menaced! His jawline how scary!
His butt cheeks were rock hard, his chest was so hairy!

His mean little mouth was drawn up in a sneer
But the cleft in his chin was as cute as his rear.....


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

"Whatcha readin’," he drawled as he went to work,
"Books are boring," he said. I replied, “You’re a jerk!”
And gave him the finger and turned up my nose
And giving a nod, from the roadside I arose.


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

He was not what I wanted despite his good looks
I could never forgive what he said about books,
Though reading just now I have left on the shelf;
Look out, Down Town, I'm in search of myself.
I'd checked under the bed and the back of the sofa
But only found biscuits and half of a loafa.
So hitching a lift in a stretch limousine
I thought that I'd start by gatecrashing 'the scene'.


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

I sat in the back and I sipped cold champagne
(I wouldn't touch meth or snort up cocaine)
I wondered if I would be meeting a hunk
Or one like the last one, a mean-tempered skunk.


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

We roared thru' the night despite lights set at red,
Then suddenly felt I'd be better in bed.
I shout to the driver "Take me back home,
"Too late do I linger, too far do I roam.
I'm only a housewife, when all's said and done
What kind of example to set for my son"


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

"What only a hausfrau ?" the driver then leered:
"I'm told those are the ones to be feared!"
"In my experience, they can get quite weird,"
He said as he snickered down into his beard.


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

A limosine driver with a beard snowy white?
His nose right above it was really a sight...
It looked like a cherry,
All bulbous and red,
"Hey, you're not a driver,
You're SANTA!" I said.


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

A wink of his eye meant he'd heard what I said
"It's eight days since Christmas and I'm out of bread
The Mrs., the reindeer, the elves must be fed
So I moonlight by driving this motorized sled"

Then sticking his finger up inside his nose
He pulled out a booger the size of his toes
One look at this faux pas and I thought Gadzooks!
I want to be home with my family and books....


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

With Santa so nasty and vulgar and coarse,
I jumped out of the limo and onto a horse.
We gallop o'er fields both narrow and wide,
'Til way in the distance my dear home I spied.


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

But why was a horse so conveniently there?
Good heavens! Those antlers! Not one, but a pair!
And shining up front on the end of the head
Is a nose which is glowing a strange sort of red...


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

(Assuming you are referring to the red-nosed fellow always depicted in pictures)

Now why would this renegade be into his cups?
(Red noses are signs that one's had a few drops).
My goodness, his real name's Saint Nick!
If this guy is "holy", then someone is sick....


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

But, no, it was Rudolph with his red nose aglow
To light up my pathway 'cross the white gleaming snow
On Rudolph! On Rudolph! is my echoing cry
To the top of my welcoming driveway please fly.


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

Is this all a dream of wishes come true?
Or just a bad "trip" from my grandmother's brew....
Perhaps it's her fruitcake we had stuck a tin,
I fear that old Granny has soaked it in gin!


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

Now hold on a sec. Are we playing a game?
Could Rudolph and Santa be one and the same?
The Elf dresses in fur and so does the deer.
Or maybe I've drunk just a bit too much cheer.

Louses and rubbish and foxes and fables
Rotten teenagers and diamonds and sables
Nightclubs and limos, a book-hating cop?
When, tell me when, will all of this stop?


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

The wish was enough, the rhyming too rough, too tough
a new year is a chance.
Isn't it?
Follow the cynic or not.
New..renew.
Enough is enough.


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

Apparently some find this all a bit much,
The clever story, the rhyming and such,

Perhaps a new year resolution might be
Sit back, ENJOY and let us be "we"!!!


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

Thank you ALL so much for making me laugh....what a great way to start a new year!
I knew when I posed this challenge that you ALL would be outrageously creative and clever.....what a great group!

Happy 2004....
Yvonne


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

Ouch! That thong! NOW I know what they mean by a split personality.


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

"Just a thong at twilight, when the lights are low..."


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

PC Plod to distressed, scantily dressed female of a certain age, lying in an English gutter.

"Come along now, Madam. Haven't you got a home to go to? What's that? You fell over because the lights were low. Well, what do you expect at twilight?
"And if I may say so, you appear somewhat underclad in that there thong.
"So, you want to report a theft. I'll just make a note of that.
"Your mink and diamonds have been stolen, by a man with a red nose driving a limo, or maybe a horse with antlers.

"Right Madam, I've just radioed back to the Police Station and apparently you have already accosted another of our officers, making a very rude gesture in his direction. No, no-one on the force looks like Clint Eastwood.
"Packing a piece! You should be so lucky. This isn't Hollywood you know.

"Get into this 'ere police car, we are going to take you home. Now, what's your address?

"Gordon Bennett, that place is well-known to us boys in blue. Haven't you got a son who is a junkie . . .and didn't you hold a very dodgy party there last summer . . .all the guests dressed up like Gawd knows what? Found a couple of them lying in a flower bed the next day?

"Take my advice Madam; next Christmas stay at home with a good book"


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

Do you think we could get this published? ;-)


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

I don't know about published....but I was quick to print out the whole thread! It's a keeper.

What fun, especially in these troubled times, to find such lovely kindred spirits.
Thanks again.
Yvonne


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

And do you realize that this was written in four different countries located on three different continents?? Is the UK on a continent or just floating out there in the ocean? My apologies to you -- I believe Bobbies do not pack guns like us gun lovin'(much to my regret)Yanks.

Thanks, yoyobon, for getting this going. Perhaps we should forward it to David Letterman -- or his Canadian, British and Australian counterparts?

Oh I dread returning to the real world. Can I just hang out here forever?

Pam


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!!

And now I am familiar with the expression Gordon Bennett. Couldn't imagine what that meant!

Here is a link that might be useful: gordon bennett!


 o RE: Add-on poem....give it your best go!!

Reminds me of my dear mother-in-law's favorite food:
Chicken Gordon Blow ( chicken cordon bleu!!)
Oh , yeah....she really does say that!
Also says Oh Joe instead of au jus.
As you can imagine, it has gleefully become a part of our family lingo!

....how WOULD we forward any of this to Dave?
Dave seems standoffish, to say the least and might scoff at our cheekiness.
But, hey, if someone wants to try, let us all know
Yvonne


 o Post a Follow-Up

User Name: Martin_z             [If you aren't Martin_z, please click here.]

Subject of Posting:

Message:

Optional Link URL:

   Name of the Link:


Return to the Reader's Paradise Forum
 

Sponsors: